Kindness can change the world…

I don’t often post about my fiancee aside from the annual mention in the my end of year wrap up. I always say how thankful I am to have him in my life, and always mention how my favorite part of every year is the fact that we have spent another year together. But every now and then I just feel like I need to give everyone a glimpse at some of the reasons I love the man I am going to marry.

I love him for many reasons, not the least of which is that he is the most patient person I know. I mean truly he has the patience of Job. I know that I am a pain in the ass, frustrating beyond words, impatient as can be, and have the quick temper o’ the Irish. But he handles it all like a champ; even when I am being completely insane and irrational. He just waits out the crazy. Because he is a saint.

One of the other biggest reasons is that he is kind hearted and compassionate.

Last week the Kansas City area received an unusually-late-for-the-season snow storm which dumped over a foot of snow in the area. Shoveling snow is not super fun so by the time the weekend rolled around we (read Brett) had only cleared out a small area on one side of the garage to get the truck in and out. But, when the snow plows came through they left a bank of snow at the end of the driveway blocking our way out. 

Typically, we (read Brett) would just gun it out of the garage and plow the truck through the bank, but on Saturday when we were getting ready to leave, Brett saw a man walking up our driveway. He got out of the truck and met him to see what was up.

The man told Brett that he was trying to make some money to help him get his family through to the next week and wanted to know if we would hire him to shovel our driveway. He said he didn’t need much. 

Brett asked if I had any cash on me, something neither of us regularly carry on us. I did have some cash and gave him what I had. Brett explained that we didn’t have the full amount of cash to help him out completely, but could we pay him what we did have on us to shovel out the snow bank at the end of the driveway.

The man said that he would do that, and then asked if we had a shovel he could borrow. Brett pulled one of the snow shovels we have out of the garage and handed it to him. As the man started to shovel and Brett started back to the truck, I heard him say to the man, ‘You know what, keep that shovel. I hope it helps you earn some more money today.’

My heart exploded with love at the kindness and compassion in Brett’s heart.

When he got back to the truck he sat in the driver’s seat and we sat there for a moment while he was shoveling the snow. I looked out the window and noticed that this poor man who was obviously down on his luck, asking to shovel our driveway and not even having a shovel, was not even wearing gloves. It was 30 degrees outside. And he was shoveling snow. I pointed this out to Brett who immediately went down to the basement and found a new pair of work gloves that he wasn’t using. He came back outside and gave the man the gloves as well.

I couldn’t see the entire exchange but I have the feeling that this man was very grateful for the kindness that was shown to him.

I cannot imagine the circumstances in this man’s life that led him to having to ask to borrow snow shovels to shovel people’s driveways, but I pray that he was able to earn the money he needed to take care of his family. I am thankful everyday that I have the life I do. That I have a nice home. Heat for the winter. Air conditioning for the summer. Food in the pantry and in the refrigerator. Reliable vehicles to take us to all of the extra things we like to do.

For I am well aware that to many our life seems extravagant. That there are too many people without a home. Warmth. Food.

I am proud of Brett everyday, but Saturday I was more proud than I thought my heart could handle. He could have so easily told this man that we did not have any cash on us and left it at that. But instead, he thought about what he could do rather than what he couldn’t. In the grand scheme of things, what is a few dollars, a shovel (that we weren’t using anyway) and a pair of gloves? To us – not much. But to this man, it very well could have been the difference between dinner for his family or not. Or money to pay the heating bill. Or gas to get a sick kid to the doctor. Or any other number of things.

A little bit of kindness goes a long way and I hope that man was able to make the rest of the money he needed. Even more though, I hope once he is doing better that he pays it forward and continues the kindness.

Knowing the kind of man I am going to marry makes me so proud to become his wife.

I know I say this often, but I truly believe it, kindness can change the world. I hope the man’s world was changed; I know my world was changed by it.

Reconstructing the dream

By 2020 10 million skilled workers will be needed. This year alone nearly 1.8 million students will graduate according to the National Association of Colleges and Employers. 78% of those graduates will either not find a job or will find a job that doesn’t utilize their degree. 52% of U.S. employers can’t find skilled workers to fill jobs.

There is a skills gap in America. And it is only going to get worse. But it doesn’t have to. There are things we can do now, together, to fix this growing problem and put an end to it.

For starters, we can reevaluate what the American dream is. What it looks like. How to attain it. We can look at how our society is changing, has changed, and will continue to change and adapt the dream.

70% of students at traditional universities are ‘non-traditional’ students. Meaning they are not an 18 year old fresh out of high school. These are the students who, for one reason or another, life got in the way.

But we continue to cater and develop curriculums for the 30% who fit the mold that society painted. We can no longer be silent. We must all make a stand and say ENOUGH!

We must demand better. From the government who enforces current policy. From the politicians who are making current policy. From universities, community colleges, and career colleges. We must demand that they all work together, with us, to come up with a better solution.

As an employee at PlattForm Advertising I see first hand the challenges and struggles schools are facing. The challenges and struggles students are facing.

I am honored to work for a company that so passionately believes in making education accessible ‘to the most people at the least cost’ that they have created a feature length documentary to shed light on the current problems taking place within the education sector today.

Over the next few months, you will begin seeing and hearing about PlattForm Films’ documentary Reconstructing the Dream. Hundreds of thousands of dollars have gone in to making this film, and it’s important that as many people as possible see it and hear its message.

That’s where you can help. By watching the trailer. By sharing the link to the website through Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter, etc. By going to the Kickstarter page and making a donation to help distribute the film. By going to the website and making a tax deductible contribution to the film. By talking about it with friends and family.

It’s time America gets back on track to being number one in the world in education. We currently rank 17th. It is time to put solving problems by being solution focused at the forefront. It is time to take a hard look at ourselves and figure out what it is going to take to erase the skills gap. To make middle class a desirable goal to have.

It is time to reconstruct the dream.

Looking Ahead….

Every year for the past several years I’ve sat down with my computer and written reflections about the year behind me.  I wrap up the entire year in several paragraphs trying to convey the major events and milestones that took place in my life that year, but I realized I never take the time to write about the future.  I never stop to look ahead.

I don’t really make resolutions for the new year.  Not that I don’t have any resolve, I just don’t think I need to make promises to myself, especially when I usually don’t tell anyone what they are so there is no one to hold me accountable if I don’t keep my self-made promise.  I usually decide to continue to try to be a good person.  To be kind to others.  Help the less fortunate when able.  Be quick with a smile.  Those are things that I think we can all resolve to do on a daily basis and we don’t need a new year’s resolution to do them.  We should be doing them anyway.

That’s not really the point though, so back to my initial thought.  Looking ahead.  I wrote my 2012 wrap up a few days ago and while I certainly have a lot to be thankful for in 2012, I decided I should look to my future and see what 2013 holds for me.

To begin the year, I have a job that I truly enjoy with a company I couldn’t be prouder to work for.

Looking around me, I have the best family (even if they drive me nuts sometimes).  I find myself often thinking that people who don’t have siblings are missing out on one of the greatest gifts on Earth.  I’ve said more than once that I consider myself truly fortunate to be in a unique position with my siblings; I have the gift of being both a little sister and a big sister.  I’m a little sister to a sister, and big sister to two sisters and a brother.  How lucky am I that I get to be the sister to not only sisters but to a brother as well?  Sisters are some of the first friends you make (followed closely by your cousins).  Brothers are a strange beast to be sure.  They smell different than sisters do, and they do weird things that most sisters don’t do.  But I truly feel that I have been given one of life’s greatest treasures by having my sisters and brother in my life.

I also have the most amazing friends.  They are patient, funny, smart, and understanding.  Above all they are loyal and trustworthy.  I know that my friends are there for me when I need them, even when I’m being a complete flake.

Top that off with an engagement to the greatest guy. In eight months I will take one of the best walks of my life toward him with my Dad at my side.  After that walk we will party the night away with our family and friends around us and the next day we will take a wonderful week long trip to an island neither one of us has been to.  How blessed can one woman be?

I have a major birthday to look forward to as well.  One that has me excited and curious, but anxious as well.  I love birthdays, especially milestone birthdays, but as this is my first major milestone birthday in quite a while, I’m not sure what to expect.  Will I feel any different?  Will there be new expectations that come along with my new age?  Are there new health risks I should be worried about?  These are the things that I think about.

But, this year is full of many more blessings.  I am lucky to have a home that provides me with shelter, warmth, and safety.  I have a pantry and refrigerator full of food, and a vehicle that is nice and safe.

I ask again, how blessed can one woman be?

When I take everything listed above and combine it into a nice, neat, little package I can’t help but realize how wonderful 2013 is going to be.  With blessings like that how can my year be anything less than amazing?

If I were to make a resolution for 2013 it would be this: to continue to focus on the positive things in my life.  I realize not every day is going to be perfect, but there will be perfect moments in every day.  I hope I will always be able to see that moment, and that I will remember to look for it.  I hope that I don’t get so caught up in the mundane details life requires I miss the beauty in the smallest of things.  I hope that I always notice how beautiful the sun is when it sets.  That I always see the light at the end of the tunnel and most importantly, that I always remember no matter how rough of a day I might be having that I don’t have to bear the burden alone.  I have family and friends that are there for me to help, to listen, to offer advice when needed, to provide guidance when necessary, and to give hugs when there are no words required.

My hope for you this year is that you, too, will always remember to search for the bright spot in your life.  Even when times seem the darkest, reach for the light.  Hold onto it, and seek it always.

Life is a beautiful thing.  Don’t spend it surrounded by negativity and darkness.

Happy New Year

So 2012′s wrap up is a bit later than I had intended, but as today is Epiphany, and the Christmas season is officially over, today seems like the perfect day to complete this.

Each year, I go back and read the previous year’s reflections to see how the current year was different.  Reading through last year’s post I am smiling as I remember how truly blessed I am.

This year was a whirlwind of emotions and trials, ups and downs.  The impending ‘end of the world’ apocalypse that was supposed to happen obviously did not (thank goodness for that).  So, here are my reflections for 2012:

1) The year started off pretty uneventful, just like most other years.  But shortly after the first of the year, I lost my job.  It was devastating to me.  I didn’t know what we were going to do.  But, whenever one door closes another one opens, right?  It took longer than I wanted it to, but I am happy to say that I found a job.  One that I truly like going to each day.  I work for an incredible company and couldn’t be happier to be part of the team.

2) Charity is important to us, so we try to attend as many events as possible throughout the year.  This year we once again attended Jazzoo which has become our favorite charity event.  The benefactors of the event this year were the Sumatran Tigers who received a new habitat to lounge around and explore.  We were also able to attend three 5Ks; Head for the Cure – a race that raises money and awareness for brain cancer; Free to Breath – a race that raises money and awareness for lung cancer; and our company hosted their first ever race benefitting the kids at Della Lamb.  We are truly fortunate to be able to participate in so many events.  My hope for 2013 is that we are able to continue to help others.

3) Last year I wrote that I was in school and was almost finished.  I am so happy to say that I GRADUATED!  In May I officially became an alumnae of The University of Central Oklahoma forever becoming a Broncho.  My family hosted a cook out for me at a lake in Oklahoma and Brett’s family hosted a cook out at a park in Kansas a couple of weeks later.  It is one of my proudest moments.

4) The summer was full of busy-ness as always.  Lots of trips to the lake.  Boat rides, cook outs, fireworks, bon fires and topped off with an October reunion to reminisce about the Mexico trip last October.  My favorite part about the summer is the amount of family time that is had.  We are truly fortunate to have such a loving and supportive family.

5) Since the world in general is cyclical, some sadness was bound to creep into the year.  In June our beloved Bogey died.  Even now there is still an emptiness and there are still little things that set me to tears, but I am happy knowing that Bogey is no longer living with whatever pain he was carrying.

6) After a three-year house hunt (please note that those were not three entirely active years), we found the most wonderful house and made an offer.  On my birthday we found out that our offer was accepted and that the wonderful house was going to be our wonderful home!  Talk about an awesome birthday present!!  We moved in July 6th and have settled in nicely to our new home.  We hosted our first joint family dinner at Thanksgiving and having our families together to celebrate my favorite holiday was a dream come true for me.  Having our first Christmas in our new home was just as wonderful.  I may have gone a bit overboard decorating the house, but it looked beautiful.  For the first time in six years, we had a live tree for Christmas.  It was amazing.  I can’t wait to spend more Christmases here.

7) And, as always, my very favorite part of this year is that it is one more that Brett and I spent together.  Number six.  But this was my favorite year together by far.  In August we celebrated our sixth year together.  We went to dinner and exchanged gifts like we always do and then for some fun we headed over to the Nelson-Atkins Museum of Art.  I’ve always loved art museums, but the Nelson has undoubtedly become my favorite one because it’s where Brett proposed!  After six wonderful years of dating, we are going to be taking a walk down the aisle.  Keep your eyes open for Save the Dates and invitations, and keep your August calendar open!  And if you’d like to follow the wedding preparations, you can head on over to our wedding site.

So, there’s my wrap up for 2012.  It was a pretty exciting year. There were some bumps in the road, but overall, 2012 was a pretty awesome year and will probably go down as my favorite year (so far – I have a feeling that 2013 is going to be my new favorite).

I hope that your 2012 was everything you hoped it would be, brought you everything you needed, most of the things you wanted, and above all, was spent with family, friends, laughter and love.  If it wasn’t everything you needed it to be, then I hope 2013 is a better year for you.

Happy New Year!

‘Twas the 14th of December…

‘Twas the 14th of December

and all through Newtown,

people where gathering

prepping for guests coming ’round.

Presents for kiddos were wrapped nice and tight

ready to be opened in just eleven more nights.

But evil was lurking in this sleepy ‘berg,

for one troubled child demanded to be heard.

He came to the school to inflict terror and pain

and now we’ve learned twenty-six more angels’ names.

Let us remember their beautiful faces

and though they left Earth, they arrived in God’s graces.

He’ll keep them and hold them and make sure they’re loved

until they’re reunited with their loved ones above.

So mourn for the losses, grieve for your kids

but find comfort in knowing they’ll always be His.

 

I don’t have children of my own, but I have a bunch of nieces and nephews.  And while I realize that’s not even remotely close, I know that if anything ever happened to any of them I’d be devastated. Half of ‘my kiddos’ are old enough to be in school.  They are old enough for the tragedy in Newtown to strike a special chord in my soul.  Because I realize that I could very well be one of the people grieving the loss of a child they love.

And as the friend and relative of teachers, I could doubly be one of the people grieving. A friend, a cousin, a sister.  It’s all too much to take in.

We have to do better.  I don’t have answers or solutions.  I just know our friends, our families, our children deserve better than what we are currently providing.

Let’s focus on what’s truly important right now – each other.  Love. Peace. Kindness.

Because truly, kindness can change the world.

Bully: Just Don’t Be One

December 8th, 2001.  It started out as such an ordinary day.  Hanging out with the boyfriend.  Shopping.  Lunch.  The typical things that college freshman do.

It ended as a day forever etched in my mind.  And all because people can’t use nice words.  Because we are all too self important to take the feelings of others into consideration.

When I arrived home for the evening, I was informed that at the age of 15, my sister’s best friend ended her own life because the pain of being bullied was just too much to bear any longer.  She was a sophomore in high school.  She was beautiful.  She was funny.  She was a daughter.  A sister.  An aunt.  A granddaughter.  A friend.

But kids, they are so cruel.  They teased her.  Called her names.  Tried to fight her.  Did fight her.  Punched her.

She just couldn’t take anymore.

Suicide is never final.  For the family and friends left behind it’s a pain that doesn’t end.  There are so many questions with so few answers.  The lives of these people are forever changed.

If anything ‘positve’ can come from such a tragic event my hope is that it’s this:

Be mindful of the words you use towards others for their impact is far greater than you could ever imagine.  Kindness is always the answer. I believe that so strongly I tattooed the phrase ‘kindness can change the world’ on my wrist.  I look at that phrase every single minute of every single day.  It is a constant reminder that I possess the power to impact others.

I hope I wield that power well.

Peace be with you Emily.  You are gone, but not forgotten, Lady.  I hope you found the peace you were seeking and that as you look down upon your family and friends you see how loved you are.

Reasons to be thankful…

Thanksgiving has come and gone once again.  I can’t believe the end of the year is already upon us – honestly, where does the time go?

This is my most favorite time of the year and Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday of the entire year, though the last seven years it’s always been bittersweet.

Seven years ago, on Thanksgiving day, I was notified that a former boyfriend had died as the result of a car accident.  It was a slap in the face and I didn’t know what else to do other than collapse into a puddle of tears, heartbreak, and sadness.  With the exception of my grandparents’ deaths it was the saddest I had ever been in my life, so every Thanksgiving I pause and reflect on the things that I am most thankful for, since I failed to take the opportunity at previous times in my life.

This Thanksgiving, I have been flooding my friends’ Facebook timelines with ’30 days of thankfulness’ so I wanted to take a moment to list 30 things I’m thankful for:

Day One: At a time when many are out of work, I am thankful for a job that I enjoy.

Day Two: I’m thankful to have a home of my own during a time when many people have lost theirs.

Day Three: I am thankful for the unfaltering generosity of the people in my life

Day Four: I am thankful for friendliness and laughter.

Day Five: I am thankful for the great company of awesome women who genuinely like being together.

Day Six: I am thankful for suffragettes. I am thankful for civil rights fighters. And I am thankful for our military.

Day Seven: I am thankful for comfortable beds, warm houses, and the arms of a loved one.

Day Eight: I am thankful for my sisters and brother. The biological ones and the ones that married them. They all drive me crazy sometimes, but I love them.

Day Nine:  I am thankful beautiful fall days filled with sunshine and the rustling of leaves.

Day Ten: I am thankful for kind neighbors who know what being neighborly is.

Day 11: I am thankful that today I can light candles in honor of my brother instead of in memory of him. I am thankful for all of our veterans, but specifically Poland Ron, Desira Poland, and Ron Poland. Thank you for your sacrifices in honor our nation.

Day 12: I am thankful for seasons and living in a state where I get to enjoy all four of them.

Day 13: I am thankful for unlimited text message, data usage and Pintrest’s humor board. I’m also thankful for family and friends who don’t yell at me for clogging up their inbox with hilariousness.

Day 14: I am thankful for kind coworkers who host delicious food competitions. Especially when said competition’s theme is pumpkin!

Day 15: I am thankful to work for a company that appreciates its employees so much that they throw us a pizza party for doing our jobs well.

Day 16: I am thankful for good food, fantastic fellowship, and funny nieces.

Day 17:  I am thankful to have not one family but two families who love me. I am also thankful that those two families blend well and can enjoy each other’s company.

Day 18: I am thankful for my dad. Everyone thinks their dad is the best, but mine really is. We don’t see each other as often as I’d like, and we don’t talk on the phone as often as we used to, but I am truly the luckiest girl to have a dad that loves me so much. He supports me in all of my decisions even if he disagrees with my decisions. He is strong enough to let me fail but gentle enough to pick me up when I do. He doesn’t say ‘I told you so,’ instead he asks ‘what did you learn?’ He makes me laugh and makes me think. He is always my dad first, but I am proud to say he is also my friend. Thanks Dad, for putting up with tiny little baby clothes, toddler tantrums, teenaged moodiness, and twenty-something know-it-all-ness. Looking forward to taking a walk down the aisle with you by my side!

Day 19: I am thankful laughter and humor.

Day 20: I am thankful for great coworkers.

Day 21: I am thankful for my brother. I am thankful that he serves his country with honor and that he treats his wife and daughters with respect. I am thankful that he and his family drove to Kansas to celebrate my favorite holiday with me.

Day 22:  I am thankful for family. I am thankful for the ability to host our first holiday dinner in our new home. And I am thankful that we were all together.

Day 23: I am thankful for a successful dinner hosting and that everyone who came to dinner arrived safely and returned to their homes safely.

Day 24: I am thankful for the years spent in past relationships.  They helped me figure out what I do and do not want in a partner.  Every past relationship was a blessing and I have held them all close my heart.  On this day seven years ago my perception of my previous relationships changed and I took a hard look at myself and what I brought to a relationship.  It wasn’t all awesome.  I did some soul searching and found what I was looking for in a partner.  More importantly, I found the partner I wanted to be and hope that I do a good job on a daily basis.

Day 25: I am thankful for sunshine and laughter

Day 26: I am thankful for my sisters.   I am thankful that I have three, when some people don’t have any.  I am thankful that even though we fight, and argue, and make each other cry, it doesn’t divide us.  At the end of the day it brings us together.  My sisters drive me nuts sometimes, but my world would be a sad place without them.

Day 27: I am thankful for the world’s greatest (future) in-laws.  They have been such a part of my life for so many years.  They welcomed me into their lives during times of extreme turmoil for them all.  I remember thinking to myself ‘how brave these people are to wear their grief so outwardly but be so welcoming at the same time.’  I very much look forward to officially joining the family in August 2013.

Day 28: I am thankful for great friends.

Day 29: I am thankful for my Mom.  I am thankful for her craziness, her humor, her smiles.  She drives me crazy sometimes, and we definitely don’t always see eye to eye, but she’s my Mom and I love her.  I don’t have to agree with her, but I will always love her.

Day 30: I am thankful for an amazing partner.  For six years I called him my boyfriend.  As of August 17th (our six year ‘anniversary’) I get to call him my fiancee.  And on August 17th, 2013 I will get to call him my husband.  I am truly one lucky lady.  He makes me laugh.  He makes me smile.  He makes me think and pushes me to do better at everything.  He encourages me to live my best life.  He lifts me up when I am down and celebrates my successes.  Spending the rest of my life with this amazing man will be nothing short of incredible; and that is truly something to be thankful for!

I notice a theme in the things I am thankful for.  Namely that they aren’t “things.”  I am thankful for people.  For feelings.  For opportunities.  And I truly am.  I have an incredible family.  Wonderful future in-laws.  Amazing friends.  A rewarding career at a great company.  I have been through tough times and survived them.  I am stronger than I ever thought possible.

These are things I am thankful for every single day, but Thanksgiving definitely gives me a reason to really stop and reflect on how fortunate and blessed I really am.  I try not to take that for granted and hope that I am doing a good job.

So, what are you thankful for?  How did you spend your Thanksgiving?  With family?  Friends?  Alone?  Feel free to leave comments and be sure to check back throughout the next few days for the updates on days 26-30.

Happy Thanksgiving!